Now that little things have once again become important ,
And the pain of seeing big dreams crumble and die down has ended.....
It seems like life is like a clear sky after the dark clouds have floated away and so fresh like the green and shinning nature after a breezy shower........

Life is simple, beautiful and easy.......I realise it now and then.....keep forgetting it easily when troubles start ruling my mind and all the blessings seem small infront of tem.....

I jus wanna learn how to feel grateful always for the beauty and simplicity that my life is filled with like the faith of my parents ....and the love of those who matter and the ,money to buy me enough to enjoy my life and so much more....
Let me learn to forget all thats so small .....so small infront of all that I have ....my blessings ...and luck that save e every now and then....

Like the other day ....when I thought I have no money.....I found a folded 100 bucks in the tiny pocket of my bag....and just so much when I wanted to travel by an autio ...being in no mood to fight my way through the stinky crowd in the bus.......

God kept my little desire ....took care of my mood....I should not forget to thank him for this....!!!

Chasing ....my Thoughts ......Offfffffffff

Do we build life.....create life .....or live it?
well there are so many times when i feel like writing whats in my mind , but then without falling into any thought process propelled by the idea or my intention to write...I want to write just that very thought that is floating in my mind in that very moment . Even right now, I want to write whatever is walking the lanes of my mind...without even me knowing about it.

I feel ......much beyond what I am thinking right now and writing ....theres something else that my mind and thoughts were preoccupied with ...that my conscious mind knows not. I mean theres no way I am ever able to catch my silent thoughts . As soon as I direct all my focus within my own mind to view those silent thoughts playing in my mental garden.....they seem to just vanish and run away as if someone scary is trying to chase them and they would not let it happen !!


Ohhh......even now what I wrote wasa product of the application of my thoughts on my thoughts...yaeh exactly u are rite its all so jumbled up.....whereas I just wanted to observe what was going on within me throughout the day.....and I wanted to observe and pen them down here.........

Any way.....my luck might just get better nextime....I failed this time...though I see my fingers moving on the keyboard with the speed of my thoughts as if not to make any single thought wait for me to register it over here....else it would mind the wait and slip away......!!

I caught you all.....see..:)))

"SeaSoNaL LoVeR"....Me....yeah Not seAsOn BuT sEaSoNaL LoVer....GOd SaVe Me....!!!!

With a real bothering headache..I write this Blog...seems I have a reason to be happy...may be I am looking forward to something beautiful happening after sometime..later in the day...that makes me ignore my headache so easily and stay so happy....

I also feel its something to do with the weather....Rains and spring two seasons in the year....when I fall in love with everything appening in my life ...and ofcourse with someone whose the best at that point in time in the corridors of my life...Yeah...I am a seasonal Lover....HuH...

Wow ...I like that coinage ... "Seasonal Lover"

It just rained outside while I was busy working on an Ecel Sheet.....frankly speaking I was enjoyin it today.....unlike the other times when I struggle with these cells and rows and columns.....all because I now and then took a glimpse of the rain falling on the big glass pains of the windows just behind me......Green leaves at the top of the tall tall trees as if dancing to the music of the rain...or the music of the wind... only they know better what...I felt like theres no reason to worry in life...

Not even about living away from my parents when they need me so much with them for reasons that are more emotional than for any other reason...and not even when I am not enjoying the kind of work I get paid for....not even when I do not know...what I want to do next if not this work...not even when I have so many pending tasks ahead to be completed on a sunday thats tomorrow...not even when I have no money on me these das and am indebted till neck ...not even when m running out necessities in life...not even when I havent found thAT someone special I would feel proud and blessed to introduce to my parents ....not even when I have this bad migraine headache that refuses to leave me ...trying hard to spoil my evening I so much wait for.....

Afterall SaTUrday Evenings are my incentive/motivation/or whatever you may say....for the whole week....:))

.........For a gooODY gOOOODY Friend ....I thank u God!!

.........Now that I saw you reading this....I felt like I've found a friend ....so honest and so much near....!!!

The very realisation of this fact brings so much of a satisfaction to me ...that I feel I am blessed and lucky....and that God loves me for sure....even though I dont remember him often!!!

Hey God ....has strange ways of bringing people into our life...sometimes they just dont seem to be there when they are always there and .......sometimes they were never there ...when all you thought was their Love, support and are!!

Strange ya....U are strange God....Love Ya....for this one...a cute fren...whom you've just dropped in my life as if ....u were dropping Gifts from heaven ...and I got this one!! :)

Love contradicts itself.....

.......Theres a very wierd kind of a fear that suddenly hits me strong on my face and leaves my heart pounding loudly.....wheneveryou say something about the future....whenever you tell me you want to do this. and this and this, and this......Somehow for yet not so strange reasons I start praying that you stop sharing yor plans with me.
What if these plans.....never see the light of the day.....and you leave me .....with the memories of your unrealised dreams. That would hurt so much when you are no longer there and without having seen your deep desires or even the trivial ones realised in your lifetime.
Yeah Trur for sure fera of loosing is one of the worst varieties of fear that can take anyone in its grip. It so much overpowers me whenever I look at your tired body....., and the lines on your face , and the pepper and salt hair, and the pains that you complain of rarely though, and the medicines that have become a part of your routine, your life now. I dont want to lose you, and not with unfulfilled dreams for sure.

But , I understand the reality too and so I fear.......being haunted by the memories of the things that you so much wanted to see happen in your own lifetime.....really I fear listening to your desires now....

My love for you is strange....it sure gives me strength all the times , and also it makes me weak and broken when I realise I can Lose you anytime.......

"Love is like a stubborn child.......you will hate it for the pain it brings to you.....and yet you will so much want it around ...everywhere..... all the times"

Let me stay your child!!!

what is that the mind knows as the word "success"??
It doesnt attract me......if the definition is laced with losing peace of mind andthen getting barely 5 hours of sleep in a day, a tired body throughout theday, not getting time enough to call up friends and add a bit of feekings into them form time to time, not doing things like sitting idle for hours doodling my pen on a plain sheet and waiting for just that one line that can strike a chord with my hungry for words soul.......whats this money earning business all about afterall. Whose gonna take it all anyway??

I can't seem to stop having the fun out of the day to be able to earn more and more and more and............................................>>>>>>to be able to enjoy tomorrow./ Who knows if I am to see one or not??
Complacency....this is what else sometimes it comes to me. But then , I have always been like this. If this still is "complacency ina way" , I seriously cant be active . I am seriously careless about so many things that largely matter to so many of "my age".......fun for me is not just in earning more to be able to spend more on myself. Its about having enough time to know that I am growing, that I am enjoying what I do, that I am adding aa bit of my style to the way things are around me, to be able to sit with special friends holding hands and listening to the noises falling into deep wells of silence within me, doing things that I so much like to do, rather than postponing them sine die........Hh there are many things that money can't buy......yeah!! for everything else I need mastermind///a mind thats free.....and happy and can scream , and laugh and cry and ask questions and learn more and experience things, and explore myself and the beautiful people and world around me........!!

work is fine .....but losing on the way the one for whom I earn.........."MyselF".........the one for what I earn....."Peace and joy" how intelligent is that?? Even peanuts cause starin and stres and lack of time.

The lack of time syndrome ....was enough for me to realie that I need to manage my time well now......else no matter how big a balance I have on am cell.......I'll keep thinking whom to call up.....since moving ahead washed away all that I came with ......a bargain in which I had to lose much to gain more.......
I seriously cant see this happeningto mylife and the ones that stay in it as my loved ones ......beyond all success ....lies the joy of knowing that I have not built castles without someone to knock into the doors of my castles!!!


God , I pray .....and if you listen to the one who thinks of you very few times in life......"Give me the joy that is beyond greed......let me keep enjoyingthe little pleasure of life ......let me be easy ....andinnocent and .....and let me spreadthe joy thats within me.....and give the strength to believe ....and keep believing in all that I wrote today.........coz Iknow this is the truth.....and truth is alwaystestedby time.
Give the strength to come out of all those tests of time .....with flying colours....still living and believing in simplicity......love .......and .....fun...!!!"

Amen!!!!

...Daily surprises..From me to me!!

....sometimes, I feel that I need to talk it out to myself to get a clearer picture of the state of affairs with me ...And when I take the first step towards isolation , I feel an urgent need to sit down with someone, who could hear my silent thoughts , the unquiet side of my mind ....while I do all the thinking. I don't know , who is it....I try to befool..."me" or "the one with whom I sit and try to talk" , but at the back of my mind I know ,I need to stay calm, quiet and undisturbed. I need sometime by myself, all by myself.....I need to see the Ghosts of my life walking , and I need to face them on my own. But then why have I suddenly been so incapable of handling myself all alone???!! Why have I started feeling that, I need someone to cheer me up and pull me out of this rut?? And all this when I so much Know the only one I can trust is the last one I should!!!

I am going through a phase , wherein I am surprised at every moment to discover my hidden needs, my unexplored self....and just when I think I have got hold over my actual and real self , I change and I surprise myself all this while.



wHo says....No one can understand anyone....I say the deal is to be able to understand our ownself...quiet cliched I know , but I can't overule whats so rue , and what I am experiencing day in and day out.....just to be able to come up with something new.....in the literary sphere!!!!